I know it isn’t April anymore but April was my 6th Blogiversary. I can’t believe I’ve been at this for six years or how much I and my blog have changed in that time. I started as a heart broken, angry infertile and many of you have followed my journey to the now – 3 kiddos, a SAHM, and a wonderful network of gently parenting blogger friends. I struggle sometimes with blogging. I can’t always write everything I want. I struggle with finding balance and with being a perfectionist. But, honestly, I can’t imagine my life with out this space of mine called Baby Dust Diaries. Thank you for traveling along with me on this road less traveled.
Highlights by year:
In 2006 I turned 31:
At midnight tonight I turn 31 years old. I have never hated my birthday before. I’m not the type to get upset at getting old. I wouldn’t be 21 again if you paid me (unless, of course, you paid me enough for IVF! ). However, this birthday just makes me want to cry. I don’t want a birthday or a birthday cake or any festivities. I want a BABY!
In 2007 I hit rock bottom. I have hidden the few posts I wrote because it wasn’t me. You can read a synopsis here. I think that rock bottom was a necessary part of my infertility journey. By 2008 my husband and I had survived the hardest times in our lives and our marriage and decided that we weren’t going to let infertility take away each other. I had overcome the darkness,
I feel so blessed now by my rock-bottom landing and bounce back. Not only has it given me back my long-lost and much needed faith in God but it has had many other blessings.
One is a wonderfully renewed marriage. More about that later.
I am amazed to find I feel no jealousy toward mothers or pregnant women! I am free from that oppressive, dark emotion. I feel overjoyed for them – they are being given (or have been giving) a wonderful gift! I have several pregnant friends and I truly feel joy for them – not forced joy.
I wonder if I’m ready to be around or hold a small child? That one still scares me very much. Just thinking about holding an infant makes me feel this deep, dark, hole of pain in my chest.
But my hole of pain was about to be filled! In February of 2008 and I sent off my application for the IVF grant Partnership for Families in my essay The Big Beg (still my favorite post of all time), found a support group in Still Waters. Of course the darkness still tried to invade in my dreams.
Of course I didn’t know that until June 1 when I had my first positive HPT
(those damn things *do* turn pink!)
The rest of 2008 was one of the best times of my life. Being pregnant when you thought it was something that only happened to other people is like wining the lottery. Every day I talked to Aellyn and we danced together in the shower. I loved her so much long before she was born.
In 2009 I finally became a mother. It was so worth the years of waiting and all the tests and all the shots. My baby girl was so precious and perfect. I kept waiting to hate the first few months as many of my friends had but with Aellyn nursing like a pro and sleeping cuddled right next to me my “babymoon” was bliss not stress (not that I didn’t have my moments). Is was in early motherhood that I found I had a passion for parenting issues like gentle discipline, breastfeeding advocacy, and vaccine choice.
Not one to rest on my laurels I did my frozen embryo transfer in July of 2010 while also continuing to talk about breastfeeding rights. This time I found out I was blessed with TWINS!! It was not an easy pregnancy but in February 2011 my beautiful baby boys, Asher and Boston, were born at 32 weeks.
Later in 2011 I made the very difficult decision to quit my job after months of discrimination and harassment at work. It was a horrible circumstance that ended in the best blessing of being a SAHM. My life is so full now with this,
2012 is going to be a beautiful year. Follow me while I explore un/homeschooling, gentle discipline, fat acceptance, and healthful natural eating and living like my Oil Cleansing Method, Lavender Rosemary Shampoo Recipe, Make Your Own Toothpaste, Make Your Own “Vicks” Chest Rub, and healthy, REAL food recipes like Sweet & Salty Cherry Almond Bars (Chewy too!), Make Your Own Mayo and Never Look Back!, or Cinnamon Flax Banana Bread.
Thank you for being an important part of my life. If you are reading this please know you are a part of my village and I couldn’t do it without you. Thank you and here’s to 6 more years!
(I think I just wrote myself a new “about me” what do ya think?)