Ugh. I had my appointment today with the midwives and another wonderful non-stress test which I, in fact, find very stressful. Their machine is antiquated and doesn’t work very well. You can hear the heartbeat fine but the machine won’t pick it up. So, you end up playing the machine more than listening to the baby’s reactivity. They have to push the monitor really hard into my abdomen to get it and I have to lay in a very uncomfortable position for 1/2 hour or more. Today the machine was really bad – even with the pushing it kept going in and out and missing Aellyn’s movements. So, the student that was with my midwife starts jabbing me in the abdomen telling me she’s trying to “make the baby mad.” I don’t think that is funny at all and it didn’t feel good either. I got really quiet and I knew DH knew I was upset. Well, they still didn’t get the 15 second heart acceleration they wanted so they used this noise making wand thing on my abdomen. It emits a loud, vibrating wave into my uterus. It was loud to me and really moved my belly (it even registered as a contraction that’s how strong it was). I just lost it and started crying. I hate doing that to my baby for no reason. Then I had to explain why I think the non-stress test is pointless and only required to jump through these stupid OB requirements! My baby is fine and we are hassling her with unnecessary tests.
Once again, my midwives are pretty much on my side. She even said – “I’m glad I had my kids 30 years ago so I didn’t have to do all this crap.” But the fact is this is what I have to deal with. This almost same thing happened last week and I really talked myself down and spent this past week thinking positive thoughts. But standing around a machine waiting for a green light and a squiggly line to say Aellyn is ok is very nerve-wracking and frustrating. I don’t want to be getting all upset everytime I have an appointment. But, if I was holding an infant in my arms and the dr. wanted to do something that startled her into crying – would it be weird if I didn’t like it? How can this experience on my unborn baby be any different?