I have been so excited counting down to tomorrow. Tomorrow we will *see* our baby and its heartbeat! That is so much more real than a + HPT or even a + beta. It isn’t a number but a visible baby (ok, it is a dot, but the doctor can assure us it is a baby :P).
But tonight I can’t shake a little nervousness. I keep saying that I would be happy with 1 baby and I would 100%. After this long struggle a baby to hold in my arms is all I want. However, I know there were two lives inside me and I find I want both of them to be alive and thriving. I feel like if it is not twins tomorrow that I will feel sad at the loss of one of our babies. This in turn makes me feel very selfish. How dare I question God’s great gift? Of course I will be happy to see one heartbeat! Thrilled! A baby after 9 years of waiting. Hmmm…I don’t know what else to say. I can’t explain it – this feeling is just hanging over me. Tonight may be the last night that in my mind there are two beautiful miracles inside me. I guess it is the same apprehension as waiting for a beta – at least while you are waiting there is still hope. Right now I have hope that both of my ICSI Pixies are safe and warm and waiting to be in mommy’s arms.