I called the embryology lab today (repeatedly – more on this in a minute) and we had one “really good” blast that was frozen yesterday in addition to our 2 8-cells that were frozen on day 3. I’m so excited that we had another one survive but I’m so torn up about the ones we lost. We had 17 fertilize and of those 5 are still living (if the two inside me are). That’s such a huge loss.
Here’s the other thing – I had to call the lab and nag relentlessly to get a status on my embryos because I would “get a letter in two weeks.” I can’t believe that most people think that is ok. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about my little guys and wondering how they are doing. How do people just not worry about it after ET? It seems the lab is not used to people caring past ET. I think one of my problems is I have been too meek (not my nature) because our clinic is paying for all of this! I feel like I don’t have room to complain or be demanding. If I had this to do over I would demand more involvement in the embryology part of this.
I’m trying to let go of this frustration. My clinic has a world renowned lab – people come from overseas to do IVF here. I’m sure they did what they could and made good decisions. God was watching over my babies. It just hurts to have 12 gone.
Ok, I’ve rambled! What am I trying to say? Ummm… I guess I just want to send out this prayer : Heavenly Father, thank you for blessing us with the miracle of 17 little lives. Please be with our snowflakes that we could hold them in our arms one day. Please be with our in vivo babies that they would grow strong. Please hold our 12 angels in your loving embrace until we can see them again. Please give us peace to trust your plan. Amen.