CD #1: Dust Off Them Ovaries, Lady

Finally, CD 1 has arrived we can finally get the show on the road.

You would think that this would be a happy day since I finally got what I wanted but I had a really bad IF day.  Two of my good friends are pregnant.  One kept it from me so as not to hurt me, which always hurts 10x as bad.  I’m just so frustrated at the injustice of it all.  Why do some people get to be surrounded by children and I have to suffer with this pain that is just beyond explanation.  It is like someone is squeezing my heart and I can’t breath.  I feel like I will die.  It is such a simple thing I crave – a child to love.  Is that too much to ask?

/cry

I don’t want to be morose.  I’ve been doing so good – thinking positive thoughts and doing my meditation.  The day finally comes when I can start this miracle month of IVF brought on by God’s grace and the kind heart of some very rich people and I’m bawling like an IF newbie.  You would think 9 years would give me more backbone than this.

So I”m off to meditate so I can find my happy and hopeful center again.  I pray to God that my ovaries shine this month with perfect eggs and that we could finally be blessed with the baby we yearn for.  May I savor each day of the journey so that the prize is that much more appreciated.

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