Murphy’s Law of IF6/5/06

by Paige on Wed 05 Jul 2006 05:39 PM EDT

I had monitoring this morning.  After 4 days with 225 units of Bravelle, I still have no follicles over 10mm and my e2 level is only 47.

47!!!

WTF?  My RE upped my dose to 300 units.  I go back on Friday to see if it is working.  I have 11 follicles around 10mm on the left and 13 on the right.  Alright…all together now… “you’d be great for IVF!’  If I hear this one more time I’ll scream.  How can I be such a good responder?  Even in IF I’m overachieving.  I just want to be a C student, ya know?  2, 3, 4 follicles is fine I don’t want to set records here. 

This high dosage of FSH (my apologies to IVFers who think this dosage is lightweight) is really playing havoc on my senses.  I’m on the verge of tears continually and I feel like I’m carrying 2 tons of bricks on my shoulders.  The farce of keeping a smile on my face is draining me.  I guess the worst part is that I really feel no hope of actually getting pregnant this cycle – it is more like a hurdle I have to jump to move to the next step – DSIVF, adoption, childlessness – whatever it is I have to say I did X number of IUIs, right?

Another issue – in the enirety of the summer there is only one day that I absolutely must be at work at 9:30 AM to present at a conference.  Statistically my IUI should not fall on this day…according to Murphy’s Law of IF, my IUI will most certainly fall on this day.  I hate letting people down.  I hate feeling like I can’t put my personal needs above work needs.  I want to feel that I have a right to take care of myself.  Granted, no one is making me feel this way, everyone had been super supportive, it is me who wants to give 110% in every aspect of my life.   I’m losing sleep over this – not helping my mood or my chances of conception.

Tomorrow is D-day – I’m going to tell my boss about our IF.  Wish me luck.

Note:  I realized that my nifty aconym tags do not work in IE.  If you roll over an acronym it will pop-up the definition but it doesn’t show acronyms with the dashed underline.  Damn IE and its crappy support of CSS – why are you using IE anyway, dear reader?  Step up to the Firefox plate – you’ll never go back!

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