The Baby Dust Diaries is moving to Blogger –> follow me to www.babydustdiaries.com!

So sorry for the inconvenience! WordPress is just really limited for free blogs. If you want a paid-for, commercial blog it is probably better but it allows very little customization if you aren’t running it on your own host. I’m not looking to make money with my blog (ad free) so I don’t want to pay for it either. Blogger allows much more customization and open source widget development! Anyways, big apology for the change but I hope you’ll follow. I will be adding a forward eventually…

Doctors, nurses, midwives, doulas and childbirth educators all warn that a swollen cervix will impede labor and increase the chances of tearing the cervix, thus causing hemorrhage. They have been taught that a swollen cervix is easily broken or pulverized. If this is indeed the truth, then why do most women during labor have an irresistible urge to begin bearing down before dilation is complete?

Could it be that the instinctual wisdom of our bodies has become our enemy? Is Spirit trying to destroy us instead of guiding us? Why would we feel the need to begin bearing down at 5–6 cm (or sooner) if it would shatter the gateway to the baby’s outer world?

via The “Rule of 10″ Versus Women’s Primal Wisdom – by Lydi Owen.

We had an ultrasound today and the u/s tech switched to 3D!  I didn’t even know they had that.  I can see why people pay for this – in 4D, when she was moving in time it was amazing!  Of course these grainy pictures could never do justice to seeing it in real time.  Look at those chubby baby cheeks!

She is weighing 6 1/3 lbs. so not too big or small!  I also talked to the OB about my stress with the non-stress tests and she is going to order them for the Birth Center with the new equipment!

Five things you never thought you’d say 
• ”Let me just finish this can of frosting.” 
• ”Would you mind tying my shoes?” 
• ”Does my stomach look too small to you?” 
• ”Can you please massage my perineum again?” 
• ”Help, I can’t get out of bed.”

This vaccine has only been on my peripheral radar because they aren’t trying to shoot up my infant with it (yet).  But, I do have friends and family with young daughters approaching the age where their doctor may insist they need this poison.

Reasons NOT to get the Gardasil vaccine for your daughter:

1. It is NOT the most effective way to avoid or find Cervical Cancer. 
   Cervical Cancer is one of the most easily detected cancers to find early and treat well.  The answer is yearly pap tests.  Even if you get the vaccine you still need yearly pap tests.  Pap tests do not have poisons like Gardasil does.
2. It is NOT a cancer vaccine
   This is a horrible marketing scheme that borders on (or has crossed the line to) being blatant mis-information.  Gardasil is NOT a cancer vaccine.  It is a vaccine intended to protect against a virus called HPV which is believed to cause some types of cervical cancer.  A+B does NOT equal Q.
3. It is a mildly effective vaccine at best
   There are 150 known types of human papilloma virus (HPV).  Of the 150 types there are 15 considered high risk and 3 probable high risk for developing into cervical cancer.  According to the American Cancer Society, other risk factors for cervical cancer include  smoking, HIV infection, chlamydia infection, dietary factors, hormonal contraception, multiple pregnancies, exposure to the hormonal drug diethylstilbestrol (DES) and a family history of cervical cancer.  Gardasil protects against 4 types of HPV.  Two types that can cause genital warts and another 2 types that are high risk for cervical cancer.  Crunch some numbers and Gardasil hardly seems to be the holy grail of cervical cancer safety. 
4. It is a deadly vaccine at worst
   The Vaccine Adverse Events Reporting System (VAERS) has logged over 9,749 adverse reactions after receiving Gardasil.  The CDC states that VAERS consists of only 1-10% of actual cases.  The FDA approved Gardasil in June of 2006…these VAERS numbers are from June 2008.  At that time 20 deaths had been reported.  Other serious reactions include Guillian Barre syndrome, seizures, pulmonary embolism, thombrosis, as well as fainting, nausea, and vomiting.  Another wonderful side effect is developing genital warts which has been reported in 78 cases.  According to the Merck product manufacturer insert, there was 1 case of juvenile arthritis, 2 cases of rheumatoid arthritis, 5 cases of arthritis, and 1 case of reactive arthritis out of 11,813 Gardasil recipients.
5. It was approved without adequate testing
   Initial testing will be complete on Gardasil in September of 2009…3 years after its approval.  NO LONG TERM STUDIES have been conducted.  The manufacturer does not even know how long the vaccine will protect girls. 
6. The average age of Cervical Cancer diagnosis is 48
7. Most infections with HPV clear up on their own     
   “The vast majority of women clear or suppress HPV to levels not associated with CIN II or III and for most women this occurs promptly.  The duration of HPV positivity (which is directly related to the likelihood of developing a high grade lesion or cervical cancer) is shorter, and the likelihood of clearance is higher, in younger women.”³ Seventy percent of women clear the virus spontaneously after 18 months and 90 % clear the virus after 2 years.⁴  Vaccinating children against HPV with a vaccine that is of unknown duration of efficacy may only postpone their exposure to an age which they are less likely clear the infection on their own and be subject to more severe disease, including the cervical cancer which the vaccine is supposedly preventing. This would require an unknown number of boosters and is a setup for complacency in the older population that is a recipe for disaster (source).” 

Erin Brockovich (yes that one from the movie with Julia Roberts) is researching for a class action law suit against Merck, Gardasil’s manufacturer.  If you believe you or your child had an adverse effect visit her site for more information.

Ugh.  I had my appointment today with the midwives and another wonderful non-stress test which I, in fact, find very stressful.  Their machine is antiquated and doesn’t work very well.  You can hear the heartbeat fine but the machine won’t pick it up.  So, you end up playing the machine more than listening to the baby’s reactivity.  They have to push the monitor really hard into my abdomen to get it and I have to lay in a very uncomfortable position for 1/2 hour or more.  Today the machine was really bad – even with the pushing it kept going in and out and missing Aellyn’s movements.  So, the student that was with my midwife starts jabbing me in the abdomen telling me she’s trying to “make the baby mad.”  I don’t think that is funny at all and it didn’t feel good either.  I got really quiet and I knew DH knew I was upset.  Well, they still didn’t get the 15 second heart acceleration they wanted so they used this noise making wand thing on my abdomen.  It emits a loud, vibrating wave into my uterus.  It was loud to me and really moved my belly (it even registered as a contraction that’s how strong it was).  I just lost it and started crying.  I hate doing that to my baby for no reason.  Then I had to explain why I think the non-stress test is pointless and only required to jump through these stupid OB requirements!  My baby is fine and we are hassling her with unnecessary tests.

Once again, my midwives are pretty much on my side.  She even said – “I’m glad I had my kids 30 years ago so I didn’t have to do all this crap.”  But the fact is this is what I have to deal with.  This almost same thing happened last week and I really talked myself down and spent this past week thinking positive thoughts.  But standing around a machine waiting for a green light and a squiggly line to say Aellyn is ok is very nerve-wracking and frustrating.  I don’t want to be getting all upset everytime I have an appointment.  But, if I was holding an infant in my arms and the dr. wanted to do something that startled her into crying – would it be weird if I didn’t like it?  How can this experience on my unborn baby be any different?

This gem of parenting advice from the turn of the century is unfortunately still in circulation.  It is usually a quick follow-up to “if you jump up every time he/she cries you’ll spoil them!”  Both of these are completely false.  Here are some reasons why that tug in your heart that is telling you to go pick your baby up is correct.

1. Increased blood pressure, cortisol, and heart rate.
   • “Documented immediate and long-term sequelae of crying include increased heart rate and blood pressure, reduced oxygen level, elevated cerebral blood pressure, initiation of the stress response, depleted energy reserves and oxygen, interrupted mother-infant interaction, brain injury, and cardiac dysfunction. Caregivers are encouraged to answer infant cries swiftly, consistently, and comprehensively.”  Ludington-Hoe SM, Case Western U, Neonatal Network 2002 Mar; 21(2): 29-36
2. Increased risk of ADHD
   •  Infants who experienced persistent crying episodes were 10 times more likely to have ADHD as a child, along with poor school performance and antisocial behavior.  Wolke, D, et al, Persistent Infant Crying and Hyperactivity Problems in Middle Childhood, Pediatrics, 2002; 109:1054-1060. 
3. Decreased IQ
   • “Children with prolonged crying (but not those with colic only) had an adjusted mean IQ that was 9 points lower than the control group.” M R Rao, et al; Long Term Cognitive Development in Children with Prolonged Crying, National Institutes of Health, Archives of Disease in Childhood 2004; 89:989-992.

Ferber who is responsible for the “ferber” method of cry-it-out sleep training says, “Occasionally, as parents increase the time they wait before responding, their child cries so hard he throws up. If that happens, go in even though the time isn’t up yet. Clean your child up and change the sheets and pajamas as needed. But do so quickly and matter-of-factly, and then leave again.”  That can not be the normal, biological response of a mother.  

Even people who agree with responding to an infant’s cries during the first few months tend to think that there is a certain age where you are just spoiling a child.  Six months, 12 months, etc.  Whatever arbitrary cut off – they feel that they need to learn to “self soothe” and cry it out.  I don’t believe that love and attention are things you can spoil a child with.  Toys, money, material things lead to spoiling.  Hugging your child when he is crying is not spoiling.  Children who are securely attached to their parents learn that the world is not a scary place and are actually more independent as they grow older.  

And crying is good for their lungs like bleeding is good for the veins!

BTW, have we noticed that I am 35 weeks today and have exactly 35 days left!  What a weird quirk of numbers!

I’ve mentioned before I’m doing meditation to prepare for natural childbirth.  I got very negative earlier this week about having to have fetal monitoring because of gestational diabetes.  I knew that my problem was not the circumstances (which can change all the time) but my ability to stay positive about it.  So, I’m working on using affirmations to help me prepare and visualize a healthy birth for Aellyn.  If you aren’t familiar with the power of positive affirmations, read this article.

So, here are my affirmations.  Please feel free to suggest new ones!

1. Birth is a safe and wonderful experience.
2. I will give birth without complications.
3. I am not afraid.
4. I know my baby feels my calmness and confidence.
5. I trust in my ability to give birth.
6. My body knows exactly what it is doing.
7. I am confident in my ability to birth naturally, painlessly and easily.
8. During labor and birth,I am completely relaxed and comfortable.
9. I will have an uncomplicated, peaceful, joyous and pleasurable birth.
10. My baby is healthy.
11. I am completely cooperating with my body.
12. I will breathe deeply and slowly to relax my muscles making it easier for my uterus to work.
13. My body is made to give birth, nice and easy.
14. I believe my baby’s birth will come quickly and easily.
15. My body is completely relaxed.
16. All I need to do is relax and breathe – nothing else.
17. Everything is going right.
18. I feel the strong waves of labor and know that everything is normal and progressing.
19. Relax my mind and muscles.
20. Courage, faith and patience.
21. My body knows how to have this baby just as my body knew how to grow this baby.
22. Keep breathing slow and even.
23. Inhale peace, exhale tension.
24. Keep my mind on acceptance and surrender.
25. I show absolutely no signs of fear or concern.
26. I surrender my birthing over to my baby and my body.
27. My body has a wide open space for my baby to descend.
28. My body will give birth in its own time.
29. I love my baby and I am doing all that is necessary to bring about a healthy birth.
30. Birth is an easy and natural occurrence for which my body has been perfectly designed.
31. The strength of my uterine contractions is a sign of my feminine strength.
32. I have the energy and stamina to birth my baby.
33. I surrender to the contractions and relinquish control of the forces within my body.
34. I allow my body’s natural anesthesia to flow through my body.
35. I do not fight the birth in any way.
36. My body is totally relaxed
37. I am not afraid.
38. The power and intensity of my contractions cannot be stronger than me, because it is me.
39. I am ready and prepared for childbirth.
40. I relax so my baby can relax
41. My job is to simply relax and allow the birth to happen.
42. Just let my body do it; let it happen.
43. I see myself handling everything beautifully.
44. Each contraction produces a healthy, positive pain that I can handle.
45. Birth will go exactly as it should.
46. Birth is a safe and wonderful experience.
47. My baby is healthy.
48. I surrender my birthing over to my baby and my body.
49. I love my baby and I am doing all that is necessary to bring about a healthy birth.
50. The strength of my uterine contractions is a sign of my feminine strength.
51. I do not fight the birth in any way. My body is totally relaxed. I am not afraid.
52. My mind and body can handle a labour of any kind
53. I will have a strong and healthy baby
54. I trust my body to know how to birth this child
* I trust my instincts to know what I need in labour
55. I trust my instincts to do what is best for my baby
56. I am a strong and capable woman
57. Only I can give birth to this baby and I accept responsibility for that challenge

58. My body knows how to birth my baby
59. I trust my instincts

60. Babies are born when they are ready, not when doctors, midwives or anyone decides
61. My body is indeed beautifully and wonderfully mad
62. It’s good for me to take care of myself. I get to have a voice
63. Listen to my body and heart
64. I deserve to have the birth I desire
65. I trust my body
66. I trust my pain
67. I trust my labour
68. I trust in my baby
69. I am a powerful, loving and creative being
70. I am now willing to experience all my feelings
71. My pelvis releases and opens as have those of countless women before me
72. I accept myself completely here and now
73. I now feel inner peace and serenity

74. I accept this labour as my labour and believe it is the right one for me and for my baby

75. I love and accept my body completely
76. I accept all my feelings as part of myself
77. I feel the love of others around me
78. My baby knows all is well

79. My heart knows what my baby needs, my mind is learning
80. Good strong contractions help my baby come into the world
81. I embrace the concept of healthy pain
82. I have enough love to go around, the universe always provides
83. I am strong, confident assured, assertive and very feminine
84. My body contains all the knowledge necessary to give birth to my baby
85. My baby knows how and when to be born
86. Birth is a safe and wonderful experience
87. My baby will be born healthy and at the perfect time
88. I know how to take care of myself in pregnancy.
89. My body knows how to give birth.
90. My baby knows the true birthday.
91. Birth is safe for me and my baby.
92. My baby will be born at the perfect time.
93. My body knows when to give birth.
94. I am a good mother.
95. My baby will find the perfect position for birth.
96. I love my baby.
97. My baby loves me.
98. I am a strong woman.
99. Contractions help to bring my baby.
100. I will make the right decisions for my baby.
101. My pregnant body is beautiful.
102. My baby senses the peace I feel.
103. I accept the help of others.
104. My baby’s head fit snuggly into my pelvis.
105. I accept my labor and birth.
106. I am surrounded by those who love and respect me.
107. I trust my body.
108. I know how to take care of my baby.
109. My baby feels my love.
110. This is what I want. I can do it!
111. My body knows how to give birth and I will let it!
112. My contractions are massaging my baby and hugging it.
113. My cervix ix opening with each contraction.
114. Childbirth is a normal, healthy event
115. I can have a healthy, positive birth
116. The power of birth strengthens me
117. I am calm and relaxed, every part of me is limp and loose
118. My baby shares my calmness and confidence
119. I am able to rest deeply between contractions
120. I greet each contraction with openness and expansion
121. My breathing is slow and even
122. With each breath I breathe in calm and I breathe out tension
123. With each breath I breathe in confidence and I breathe out fear
124. I welcome each contraction with my breath.
125. Every contraction brings me closer to the birth of my baby
126. My cervix is opening, like a flower
127. My pelvis is flexible and open
128. My muscles are warm, heavy, and totally relaxed
129. I am excited about the birth of our baby
130. My baby is in the perfect position for birth
131. Every contraction brings my baby closer to me
132. I trust my body and my baby to know how to achieve a safe, comfortable and easy birth
133. Every hand that touches me in hospital is a healing hand and expresses only love
134. I am totally comfortable at all times
135. This day, hour, and minute is sacred and blessed

Another good one is Frank Herbert’s Litany Against Fear (from the Dune books): 

I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain.

If you’ve ever seen my mom’s comments you know she rocks.  My dad is awesome too.  They both so easily accept all my “crazy” notions about parenting!  I never have an uphill battle with them about my choices.  They are open minded and super cool and willing to learn and change.  I think I’ve convinced them to stop getting flu vaxes for example.  So last night, my dad says out of the blue to my mom “do we use green cleaners?”  mom: “no”  dad: “well we should with the baby being around and all!”  

Wow, huh?  Progressive!  I’m so proud.

That leads me to my New Year’s resolution!

Last year we started buying “green” products but stopped when it got too expensive.  So, this year we are going to make our own green cleaners!  I found this great site to help plan a Green Cleaning Party!  You get a bunch of people together and make cleaners from the recipes on the site, put them in cute bottles, decorate the labels and what not.  You can clean almost anything with water, vinegar, and baking soda and it is CHEAP!  No yucky chemicals and toxic odors.  Plus, did I mention it is CHEAP???  I’ll document here how it goes throughout the year.

Join me in this Resolution and my other:  I took Deepak Chopra’s Vow of Non-Violence and you can too.  Let’s be the change we want to see in the world!

Facebook is standing by their stupid policy to remove photos of women breastfeeding their infants because they are “obscene, pornographic or sexually explicit.”  Are you kidding me?  What is wrong with a world where this most basic human task is considered obscene?  Pornographic? Sexually explicit?  If you find a mother feeding her child to be either of these things then you are a disgusting, sick, twisted degenerate.  Get therapy.  

Both the World Health Organization and the CDC has active programs to promote breastfeeding because it is THAT important to the health of our children.  However, an uphill battle exists when people still choose to think that this is something that should be private and hidden.  ”But what will my 8 year old son say?”  Well, maybe you should take a moment to explain to your son that we are mammals and we are designed to both gestate, give birth, and feed human babies in the perfect way.  Do you avoid exposing your kids or yourself to art that might include nudity?  Is this picture to the right obscene, pornographic or sexually explicit?  Are you going to refuse to teach your children about tribes in Africa that do not cover women’s breasts?  If we avoid this then we make it obscene.  If you see a breastfeeding woman and gasp in shock then you are contributing to our “societies” hang ups about this.  

By the way, on Facebook – land of the wholesome – you are free to join the Girls Gone Wild Group –  ”For all those girls who like gettin sloppy drunk and all those guys that try to take advantage of them.”

I find just that picture-less sentence way more offensive than a woman nurturing her child.