We had an ultrasound today and the u/s tech switched to 3D!  I didn’t even know they had that.  I can see why people pay for this – in 4D, when she was moving in time it was amazing!  Of course these grainy pictures could never do justice to seeing it in real time.  Look at those chubby baby cheeks!

She is weighing 6 1/3 lbs. so not too big or small!  I also talked to the OB about my stress with the non-stress tests and she is going to order them for the Birth Center with the new equipment!

Ugh.  I had my appointment today with the midwives and another wonderful non-stress test which I, in fact, find very stressful.  Their machine is antiquated and doesn’t work very well.  You can hear the heartbeat fine but the machine won’t pick it up.  So, you end up playing the machine more than listening to the baby’s reactivity.  They have to push the monitor really hard into my abdomen to get it and I have to lay in a very uncomfortable position for 1/2 hour or more.  Today the machine was really bad – even with the pushing it kept going in and out and missing Aellyn’s movements.  So, the student that was with my midwife starts jabbing me in the abdomen telling me she’s trying to “make the baby mad.”  I don’t think that is funny at all and it didn’t feel good either.  I got really quiet and I knew DH knew I was upset.  Well, they still didn’t get the 15 second heart acceleration they wanted so they used this noise making wand thing on my abdomen.  It emits a loud, vibrating wave into my uterus.  It was loud to me and really moved my belly (it even registered as a contraction that’s how strong it was).  I just lost it and started crying.  I hate doing that to my baby for no reason.  Then I had to explain why I think the non-stress test is pointless and only required to jump through these stupid OB requirements!  My baby is fine and we are hassling her with unnecessary tests.

Once again, my midwives are pretty much on my side.  She even said – “I’m glad I had my kids 30 years ago so I didn’t have to do all this crap.”  But the fact is this is what I have to deal with.  This almost same thing happened last week and I really talked myself down and spent this past week thinking positive thoughts.  But standing around a machine waiting for a green light and a squiggly line to say Aellyn is ok is very nerve-wracking and frustrating.  I don’t want to be getting all upset everytime I have an appointment.  But, if I was holding an infant in my arms and the dr. wanted to do something that startled her into crying – would it be weird if I didn’t like it?  How can this experience on my unborn baby be any different?

BTW, have we noticed that I am 35 weeks today and have exactly 35 days left!  What a weird quirk of numbers!

I’ve mentioned before I’m doing meditation to prepare for natural childbirth.  I got very negative earlier this week about having to have fetal monitoring because of gestational diabetes.  I knew that my problem was not the circumstances (which can change all the time) but my ability to stay positive about it.  So, I’m working on using affirmations to help me prepare and visualize a healthy birth for Aellyn.  If you aren’t familiar with the power of positive affirmations, read this article.

So, here are my affirmations.  Please feel free to suggest new ones!

1. Birth is a safe and wonderful experience.
2. I will give birth without complications.
3. I am not afraid.
4. I know my baby feels my calmness and confidence.
5. I trust in my ability to give birth.
6. My body knows exactly what it is doing.
7. I am confident in my ability to birth naturally, painlessly and easily.
8. During labor and birth,I am completely relaxed and comfortable.
9. I will have an uncomplicated, peaceful, joyous and pleasurable birth.
10. My baby is healthy.
11. I am completely cooperating with my body.
12. I will breathe deeply and slowly to relax my muscles making it easier for my uterus to work.
13. My body is made to give birth, nice and easy.
14. I believe my baby’s birth will come quickly and easily.
15. My body is completely relaxed.
16. All I need to do is relax and breathe – nothing else.
17. Everything is going right.
18. I feel the strong waves of labor and know that everything is normal and progressing.
19. Relax my mind and muscles.
20. Courage, faith and patience.
21. My body knows how to have this baby just as my body knew how to grow this baby.
22. Keep breathing slow and even.
23. Inhale peace, exhale tension.
24. Keep my mind on acceptance and surrender.
25. I show absolutely no signs of fear or concern.
26. I surrender my birthing over to my baby and my body.
27. My body has a wide open space for my baby to descend.
28. My body will give birth in its own time.
29. I love my baby and I am doing all that is necessary to bring about a healthy birth.
30. Birth is an easy and natural occurrence for which my body has been perfectly designed.
31. The strength of my uterine contractions is a sign of my feminine strength.
32. I have the energy and stamina to birth my baby.
33. I surrender to the contractions and relinquish control of the forces within my body.
34. I allow my body’s natural anesthesia to flow through my body.
35. I do not fight the birth in any way.
36. My body is totally relaxed
37. I am not afraid.
38. The power and intensity of my contractions cannot be stronger than me, because it is me.
39. I am ready and prepared for childbirth.
40. I relax so my baby can relax
41. My job is to simply relax and allow the birth to happen.
42. Just let my body do it; let it happen.
43. I see myself handling everything beautifully.
44. Each contraction produces a healthy, positive pain that I can handle.
45. Birth will go exactly as it should.
46. Birth is a safe and wonderful experience.
47. My baby is healthy.
48. I surrender my birthing over to my baby and my body.
49. I love my baby and I am doing all that is necessary to bring about a healthy birth.
50. The strength of my uterine contractions is a sign of my feminine strength.
51. I do not fight the birth in any way. My body is totally relaxed. I am not afraid.
52. My mind and body can handle a labour of any kind
53. I will have a strong and healthy baby
54. I trust my body to know how to birth this child
* I trust my instincts to know what I need in labour
55. I trust my instincts to do what is best for my baby
56. I am a strong and capable woman
57. Only I can give birth to this baby and I accept responsibility for that challenge

58. My body knows how to birth my baby
59. I trust my instincts

60. Babies are born when they are ready, not when doctors, midwives or anyone decides
61. My body is indeed beautifully and wonderfully mad
62. It’s good for me to take care of myself. I get to have a voice
63. Listen to my body and heart
64. I deserve to have the birth I desire
65. I trust my body
66. I trust my pain
67. I trust my labour
68. I trust in my baby
69. I am a powerful, loving and creative being
70. I am now willing to experience all my feelings
71. My pelvis releases and opens as have those of countless women before me
72. I accept myself completely here and now
73. I now feel inner peace and serenity

74. I accept this labour as my labour and believe it is the right one for me and for my baby

75. I love and accept my body completely
76. I accept all my feelings as part of myself
77. I feel the love of others around me
78. My baby knows all is well

79. My heart knows what my baby needs, my mind is learning
80. Good strong contractions help my baby come into the world
81. I embrace the concept of healthy pain
82. I have enough love to go around, the universe always provides
83. I am strong, confident assured, assertive and very feminine
84. My body contains all the knowledge necessary to give birth to my baby
85. My baby knows how and when to be born
86. Birth is a safe and wonderful experience
87. My baby will be born healthy and at the perfect time
88. I know how to take care of myself in pregnancy.
89. My body knows how to give birth.
90. My baby knows the true birthday.
91. Birth is safe for me and my baby.
92. My baby will be born at the perfect time.
93. My body knows when to give birth.
94. I am a good mother.
95. My baby will find the perfect position for birth.
96. I love my baby.
97. My baby loves me.
98. I am a strong woman.
99. Contractions help to bring my baby.
100. I will make the right decisions for my baby.
101. My pregnant body is beautiful.
102. My baby senses the peace I feel.
103. I accept the help of others.
104. My baby’s head fit snuggly into my pelvis.
105. I accept my labor and birth.
106. I am surrounded by those who love and respect me.
107. I trust my body.
108. I know how to take care of my baby.
109. My baby feels my love.
110. This is what I want. I can do it!
111. My body knows how to give birth and I will let it!
112. My contractions are massaging my baby and hugging it.
113. My cervix ix opening with each contraction.
114. Childbirth is a normal, healthy event
115. I can have a healthy, positive birth
116. The power of birth strengthens me
117. I am calm and relaxed, every part of me is limp and loose
118. My baby shares my calmness and confidence
119. I am able to rest deeply between contractions
120. I greet each contraction with openness and expansion
121. My breathing is slow and even
122. With each breath I breathe in calm and I breathe out tension
123. With each breath I breathe in confidence and I breathe out fear
124. I welcome each contraction with my breath.
125. Every contraction brings me closer to the birth of my baby
126. My cervix is opening, like a flower
127. My pelvis is flexible and open
128. My muscles are warm, heavy, and totally relaxed
129. I am excited about the birth of our baby
130. My baby is in the perfect position for birth
131. Every contraction brings my baby closer to me
132. I trust my body and my baby to know how to achieve a safe, comfortable and easy birth
133. Every hand that touches me in hospital is a healing hand and expresses only love
134. I am totally comfortable at all times
135. This day, hour, and minute is sacred and blessed

Another good one is Frank Herbert’s Litany Against Fear (from the Dune books): 

I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain.

I wish I had posted on Christmas day because we had a wonderful Christmas.  The last 3 days though I have been so sick.  Nausea and vomiting.  I figured I ate something bad but was still feeling yucky this morning.  We had our normal midwife appt today that took a wrong turn.  My blood pressure was 155/90!  (High blood pressure can be a symptom of pre-eclampsia also called toxemia)  So, she did the non-stress test and I worked on relaxing (sometimes my bp is high when I’m stressed).  When she took it again it was 148/something.  I had to go to the Birth Center for a bunch of blood work and more fetal monitoring.  I was there for 4 hours and during that time my blood pressure went back to normal (112/74) and my blood work all came back good.  The fetal monitor showed a healthy and very active baby!  I don’t know what happened today but it scared the crap out of me.  I go back on Wednesday to monitor my blood pressure and in the meantime my bedrest has been stepped up – more rest and lots of lying on my left side (which hurts like hell because of my shoulder injury – ugh).

I found this pic of what my baby looks like.  Kinda.  This is a BOY…no scrotum or penis for Aellyn.

And, this is an image of how crowded she is and why I can feel her every twitch (and hiccup!)

We’ve been working on our birth plan.  I didn’t include information about induction/augmentation because my primary audience is hospital personnel and not my midwives per se.  

Labor

·       I would like to have no restrictions on food or fluids during my labor.

·       I would like the freedom to move around at will.

·       Please do not offer pain medications unless I ask for them.

·       As long as the baby and I are healthy, I prefer to have no time limits on pushing. It’s important to me to push instinctively.  I do not want to be told how or when to push.

·       I would like to be encouraged to try various positions for delivery

·       I prefer to have no episiotomy and risk tearing (unless I’m having a medical emergency).

Birth

·       As long as my baby is healthy, I would like my baby placed immediately on my abdomen following the birth.  Please delay all essential routine procedures on my baby until after the bonding and breastfeeding period (i.e., bathing).

·       Please wait for the umbilical cord to stop pulsating before it is clamped.

·       Please allow my partner to cut the umbilical cord.

·       I would prefer for the placenta to be born spontaneously without the use of pitocin, and/or manual extraction.

·       I would like the option of taking home the placenta.

Post Delivery

·       We would like baby check ups to take place in our room.

·       If the baby has any problems, I would like my partner to be present with the baby at all times, if possible.

·       Please do not administer eye drops to my baby.

·       Please do not administer vitamin K to my baby.

·       I prefer any immunizations be postponed to a later time.

o   I am willing to sign a waiver for any of the above items

·      My baby will be exclusively breastfed.  

In Case of Emergency

Should I require a Cesarean Section:

·       I would like my husband to be present at all times during the c-section.

·       I would like to have contact with the baby as soon as it is possible in the delivery room.

·       I prefer to have a hand free to touch the baby.

·       Recovery:

o   If my baby is healthy, I would like to hold my baby and nurse it immediately in recovery.

·      I would like to sign any waivers necessary to permit me to be with my baby in recovery. 

Informed consent is very important to us.  Please discuss any procedures and medications with us before administration 

Yesterday was such a good day!  We had an appointment in the morning with Dr. Lavin of Advanced Pediatrics in Beachwood, Ohio.  He was wonderful and our search is finally over!  I told him my primary concern was having a doctor who was willing to work with us even if we didn’t vaccinate.  He at first talked about MMR and autism (which I’m realizing most people see as the “reason” people don’t vax).  His studies, which he had typed up into a report, show that autism is completely out of hand but NOT being caused by the MMR vaccine.  He cited a Denmark study, I’ll try to find it.  However, I told him that the MMR/autism link was not my reason for not vaxing but that I honestly believe people *should* get measles, mumps, and rubella.  He agreed.  We talked about Chicken pox and how we were throwing nature out of balance with the vaccine.  He agreed.  I said my infant does not need Hep B.  He agreed.  Overall it was a great conversation.  He said he tries not to be a slave to a certain ideology and that his job was to give me information so that I could do my job of making the best decisions for my daughter!  We also talked about our IVF experience and he totally “got” it.  This is important to me.  When I tell someone that it took us 9 years to get where we are I want them to see how that might effect our decisions.  He acknowledged how special our little girl was going to be!

And boy is she special.  We got to see her again at our ultrasound yesterday afternoon.  We got to see her face and her little hands.  She had a full bladder and then she peed and we saw it!  It was so cute!  LOL.  I’ll post pics as soon as I can scan them.  I also had a non-stress test which I’ll get every week from now on.  I think that is overkill for gestational diabetes but I’m playing nice so I can stay with the midwives.  Baby is firmly head down but her legs are all bent up so I’m not getting rib kicks at all.  Of course I can’t breathe at all.  I have to lean my seat back in the car to be able to breathe!  8 more weeks!  She said they don’t like to let GD patients go past their due date.  I’ve decided not to argue now, we’ll see how it goes.  If it comes down to induction I’ll take in some studies about the lack of improved outcomes with induction for GD and plead my case then.  I feel like I am walking a tight line between being the pushy patient and staying with the midwives.  I DO NOT WANT THE OBs TO DELIVER MY BABY!  That is goal #1.  Goal #2 is anything relating to Aellyn after she’s born – no vit K, no eye drops, no hepB vaccine, etc.  So I’m convincing myself that my “birth experience” take the #3 slot.  I need to let some of that go and focus on what really matters.

I got tagged by Wishing for One!  I love getting tagged and I’ll work on that next.

***Canyonlands NP in Utah is the most beautiful place on Earth.  Take a minute to tell our leaders we don’t want oil companies plundering this land!***

I’ve always been intrigued by homeopathic medicine.  My doctor growing up was open minded enough to offer homeopathic remedies from time to time  (he also wrote a bible verse on a prescription pad for my dad, lol).  I’ve been reading about homeopathic remedies for children since studies show that cold meds are terrible for them.  Well I’ve been researching homeopathy for gestational diabetes and I think I’m going to try chromium supplementation.  Mainstream medicine doesn’t spend much time on homeopathic remedies but I did find this great study about chromium for GD.  

My numbers have actually been great.  Fasting numbers in the mid 80s, most post-meal numbers between 95-110.  I just DO NOT want to need insulin since I’m sure that would bump me to the OBs.  

We are scheduled for a ultrasound on Monday and meeting with the OB and then our midwife.  I’m going to ask some pointed questions about reducing interventions in spite of the GD.  I really want to only intervene if evidence exists of a problem.  Sometimes to “err on the side of caution” GD mothers are induced or even scheduled for a c-section.  I would do those things but only if there is an identifiable problem with the baby.  I also don’t want electronic fetal monitoring during labor unless absolutely necessary since this will keep me out of the labor pool and tied to the bed.

We also have an appointment with a pediatrician Monday morning.  I got a recommendation from the ladies at Mothering.com message boards (aka “crunchy” mama land) to try Dr. Lavin at Advanced Pediatrics for a no-vax friendly doc.  I was excited to see that “In order to provide our patients the best uninfluenced information that science has to offer, we do not accept samples of drugs, advertising tchotchkes, money, food, or any item from outside vendors.”  I’m really hopeful that he will make a great choice for us (even if he is 45 minutes away).  It will certainly be a relief to have that out of the way!

Oh by the way, I’m 31 FREAKING WEEKS PREGNANT!  Holy crap!  I can’t believe it!!!  It is downright surreal.  It definitely feels like it is going fast now.  SOOOO much to do!  Being on bed rest the house is a mess.  I hope that “nesting instinct” kicks in soon!  Right now my “getting as much sleep as possible” instinct has taken over!

Orgasmic Birth will air on ABC’s 20/20 December 12 at 10:00 PM EST (that is this Friday).

“Pregnancy Glow” my a$$!

I think pregnancy glow is a huge societal lie we’ve all agreed to believe.  I’m glowing all right – my overly greasy skin shines like a vegas hotel room.

Pregnancy is oily, pimply, farty, burpy, and…HAIRY!  Not only is the hair on my head growing at lightning speed but it is growing elsewhere.  I’ve always been really lucky with sparse and blonde body hair.  I can get away with not shaving my legs way longer than my darker, courser haired friends.  Not anymore.  I have weird hair elsewhere also.  My linea nigra I was so happy about – it is now highlighted by what can only be called a “happy trial.”  Several dozen hairs – dark hairs! – in a line from my belly button to my nethers.  Ugh.  Ok, how about this bizarre (but fortunately blonde) 4-5 inch hair growing out the side of my neck!  And the freckles!  Lots of extra ones.  And red ones – called cherry angiomas – all over.  At least I think I can make out the red freckles from the pimples!

Glow on!