The Baby Dust Diaries is moving to Blogger –> follow me to www.babydustdiaries.com!

So sorry for the inconvenience! WordPress is just really limited for free blogs. If you want a paid-for, commercial blog it is probably better but it allows very little customization if you aren’t running it on your own host. I’m not looking to make money with my blog (ad free) so I don’t want to pay for it either. Blogger allows much more customization and open source widget development! Anyways, big apology for the change but I hope you’ll follow. I will be adding a forward eventually…

If you’ve ever seen my mom’s comments you know she rocks.  My dad is awesome too.  They both so easily accept all my “crazy” notions about parenting!  I never have an uphill battle with them about my choices.  They are open minded and super cool and willing to learn and change.  I think I’ve convinced them to stop getting flu vaxes for example.  So last night, my dad says out of the blue to my mom “do we use green cleaners?”  mom: “no”  dad: “well we should with the baby being around and all!”  

Wow, huh?  Progressive!  I’m so proud.

That leads me to my New Year’s resolution!

Last year we started buying “green” products but stopped when it got too expensive.  So, this year we are going to make our own green cleaners!  I found this great site to help plan a Green Cleaning Party!  You get a bunch of people together and make cleaners from the recipes on the site, put them in cute bottles, decorate the labels and what not.  You can clean almost anything with water, vinegar, and baking soda and it is CHEAP!  No yucky chemicals and toxic odors.  Plus, did I mention it is CHEAP???  I’ll document here how it goes throughout the year.

Join me in this Resolution and my other:  I took Deepak Chopra’s Vow of Non-Violence and you can too.  Let’s be the change we want to see in the world!

A friend from work visited me yesterday and brought her adorable 12 mo girl.  It was so nice to have visitors!  I woke up like a kid on Christmas morning so excited about some human interaction (no offense DH :*).  It was invigorating just waking up and “getting ready” with hair and makeup.  Geesh, bedrest really makes you crazy.  We had a great visit discussing childbirth and pregnancy.  Her little one got to break in some of Aellyn’s toys and her high chair.  It was amazing to have a baby in the house!  A few years ago this would have traumatized me for months!  I just can’t wait to have baby smiles and giggles in my home!

Oh yeah, I also got a crash course in how NOT baby-proofed my house is! lol

I personally love New Year’s Resolutions.  As Benjamin Franklin, a great believer in self-improvement, said, “Be at war with your vices, at peace with your neighbors, and let every new year find you a better man.”  I think most people get turned off from resolutions because no one ever tells us how to make one.  Resolutions are different from goals.  Goals are more wide sweeping overall visions of what we want.  Resolutions are very specific choices.  So, for example, “I will lose weight” is not a resolutions – it is a goal.  A resolution would be “I will switch to whole wheat bread.”  See? simple and precise.  I tend to be the type of person that becomes paralyzed by what I think needs to be done.  I experience great guilt about the environment, for example, I don’t recycle enough, I’m using terrible chemicals, I eat meat, ….*rips hair out* and I can’t even find a place to start.   Resolutions help me make small steps toward who I want to be.  I like this time of year for both goals and resolutions.  Before I decide on my resolutions for 2009 I want to look back at my 2008 plan.

So I had two “resolutions”:

1. Stop saying “what?” when I didn’t hear something and instead say “excuse me” or “pardon me.”   Why?  Well at work at least “what?” sounds less than polite I guess and it had been bothering me.  I did very good on this one!
2. Start brushing my teeth after lunch at work.  This one was inspired by a coworker.  She always brushes her teeth after lunch.  I got as far as buying a toothbrush and toothpaste for the work bathroom.  It was nice to have it there when I needed it but I never did make it a habit after lunch.  This problem is really that I’m kind of a slave to my day instead of being in control of it.  I kind of flit from emergency to emergency.  Time management problem and still not brushing 3 times a day.  :/

I had three goals:

1. Operation Get Pregnant.  DH and I decided that 2008 was our year – no holds barred baby making (please, not the fun way for us – get your mind out of the gutter!).   We were planning on trying what we could and then moving on to donor sperm and trying that as much as we could afford in 2008.  If we weren’t pregnant by tomorrow night we were going to take some time off, enjoy our 10th anniversary (4/1/09) and then decide what to do about adoption.  I think it was great to have a specific timeline on our goal.  It stops the constant wondering when will this end?  Of course you can always move the date out if it doesn’t feel right.  We actually went to the REs office to discuss donor insemination.  We had even picked out a few favorite cryobanks and donors.  At our appointment she said “Do you make less than $100,000?”  (answer: hell yeah)  ”I think you should try to get this grant.”  The rest is history!
2. Operation Go Green.  This is an ongoing project but this year we wanted to switch to environmentally friendly cleaning products.  We started buying Seventh Generation products.  We really liked them but they are hard to keep up with in hard financial times.  So that seemed to slack off as the year went on.  I have an idea for 2009 but you have to wait to hear it!
3. Operation Be Less Vain.  Now this one wasn’t popular amongst some of my friends because it was took to imply that I thought these things were vain in anyone.  Not true.  For me though I was definitely filling my life with some things that just aren’t me.  After 9 years of infertility I don’t know you just lose some of yourself in trying not to fall apart.  Plus it ends up being retail therapy and I was spending too much money.  So, this is no comment on anyone else’s choices but these are thing things I cut out this year.  
   • I started buying shoes for comfort instead of how much they hurt my feet.  Seriously if you wear an 8 and want a bunch of 3″ pointy toed killer shoes let me know I’ll send them to you.  Now, I should say that I buy shoes at Target and Payless.  If you can afford quality (expensive) shoes then these styles might not be damaging to your feet (even if they do still hurt).  I don’t know about Manolos.  But I’ll tell you – cheap shoes in that style…you are going to have to pay for that some day.  I’d rather not be crippled. 
   • I stopped buying purses and make up.  Having a bad day?  Nothing a lip gloss or purse can’t solve!  This year I think I bought 1 purse and 1 laptop bag (at Target so it isn’t like I spend hundreds).  And oh the makeup – I own so much makeup it is obscene.  I’m adventurous with color so I’m a huge sucker for new colors.  Plus anything else *new*…warming, cooling, long lasting, moisturizing, new brush, new scent, BRING IT ON!  Whew, ok, getting excited.  Anyways I’m a cosmetics junkie and it needed to stop.  I have to say that I do still buy some make up (have you tried CG new lipmints lip gloss?  It has Crest in it so it is cool and tingly and makes your breath smell good) but I’ve certainly scaled way back.  Plus I’m wearing less make up.  I still have blonde eyelashes so going makeup free is not on my agenda but ….work in progress.
   • I started choosing a hair cut for convenience instead of “pretty.”  January this year I got all my hair cut off to a short style.  DH loves my hair short so that’s a bonus but my hair is so thick that choosing to have long hair means choosing to blow dry for 40 minutes in the morning or just pulling it back wet.  I want to have a hair style and look professional but why the heck am I losing that much of my day for it?  I’m the perfect short hair person because my hair is so thick that it just takes no time to do.  

So, what did I get out of all of this?  This year all of these things kind of meshed.  In previous years I always say “I want to lose weight.”  It is such a negative goal – my self hatred is implicit in the goal.  It doesn’t seem to start from a point of self respect.  This year I embraced my more natural self – it isn’t like I went all the way crunchy and stopped shaving and grew dreads but I did get back to a more real me.  And then I got pregnant.  I’ve experienced my body doing this amazing thing and doing it well.  Suddenly my body seems like more than a pretty accessory that I need to beat into shape but a tool I can use to change the world, be healthy, and nurture my child.  I hope that this feeling is lasting.  No more body bashing for me – my body is amazing!

What are your goals/resolutions?

Every-time I go to Burlington Coat Factory I think “why don’t I shop here more often?”   For some reason I always forget.  They really have great stuff and their prices are out of this world.  And, guess what? They have maternity!  I was just looking because I didn’t want to spend money on more maternity clothes.  Well, I found a great dressy top to wear at Christmas for $5.99!  It is a plum color with satin accents and a square neckline.  It is really cute and so cheap!  I also got the most comfortable nursing bra I’ve found yet for…wait for it…$7.99!  I paid 30 for my other one (DD/E are not cheap).  It was such a great bargain.  Maybe this time I can remember to shop at Burlington more often.

I wrapped all my presents yesterday.  Since we didn’t decorate this year (since I’m useless) the packages are a nice punch of chirstmassy.  I’m so looking forward to Christmas Eve and Day.

Yesterday my mom and sister and I baked Christmas cookies!  I absolutely LOVE Christmas and I think baking cookies is a warm hug of christmas spirit!  We made mexican wedding cookies (snowballs), peanut butter blossoms, butter cookies, and my sister’s famous chocolate chip cookies.  It was a blast and made much easier with the awesometastic stand mixer mom and dad got me for christmas last year.  We’ve decided this year to have a christmas brunch and then just graze on cookies, summer sausage, cheese logs, and truffles for the rest of the day instead of making a dinner.  I’m going to try a sausage brunch casserole this year!  I love to cook and bake when I can be creative.  ”Making dinner” isn’t near as fun as Cooking, kwim?

Ok, cigarettes.  I have to admit I’m posting this conundrum in part to get peoples’ opinions but also because I know my cousin (Hi, CJ!) reads this blog and I’m hoping she can understand my reasoning and pass it on to the family.  I grew up in a smoke filled house.  My dad smoked like 2 packs a day.  Everyone I knew smoked cigarettes, we got “smoking section” at restaurants and, besides being in school, I was generally surrounded by cigarette smoke.  I understand that lots of people grew up this way and we all survived, right?  So this leaves people with little compassion sometimes for people who don’t want to be around second hand smoke.  But think about how things are these days.  There is no such thing as smoking sections and restaurants, there aren’t smoking sections at work anymore.  Even my friends that smoke (tsk tsk) don’t do it in the house.  If you don’t smoke these days the closest you get to second hand smoke is that smelly coworker that thinks the perfume is masking the stink (dude, it is SO not).

Second hand smoke definitely gives me a contact headache.  Even if no one is smoking in a “smoking” house the smell is so thick that a headache is an assurance.  My husband’s father died of lung cancer before he was 40.  There is alot of other types of cancer in DH’s family and he is rightly feeling that he is “high risk” and wanting to avoid carcinogens.  I have always just “handled” the smoke since it is only a few times a year at family functions.  Then we got pregnant.  Second hand smoke is very bad for a fetus obviously.  And I certainly don’t want it in my newborn’s lungs.  But, do I want it anymore in my 3 or 4 year old’s lungs?  Probably not.  

So here is my problem.  Some of my family get togethers are going to be smoking events (luckily we rent a hall for Thanksgiving and have lots of outdoor activities in the summer).  One of those is Christmas Eve.  I LOVE christmas eve.  I love to see all my cousins and aunts and uncles!  But I really just can’t justify exposing my baby to the second hand smoke.  And I KNOW how DH feels about it.  He feels absolutely no way!  I don’t have any wind in my sails to argue with him.  I personally miss my family and I worry about my daughter not getting to participate in christmas eve activities too.  :(  But I have to make a decision and we really can’t justify that exposure to her nor am I going to argue with my husband about his very real fear of cancer.  And, of course, I don’t expect anyone else to change their plans for my (minority) opinion.  We used to have christmas eve out at a restaurant and that was great.  I could also offer my house next year, which I’m thinking about.  Of course, they’ll know why I’m doing it and probably won’t be happy.  I asked my parents to be honest with why I’m not there.  I don’t really want to lie about it.  But I don’t want anyone to think I’m doing it in a snotty way either.  I’m not trying to be “high and mighty” – it is just a personal decision not to be around second hand smoke.  We have friends whose homes we don’t go to either.  We go out with them but not to their house.  

I guess that’s the story.  I just want my family to know that I miss them a christmas and my decision is not a comment on their choices.

Wishing 4 One tagged me!  She is a wonderful fellow IF sister who lives in Egypt.  Make your own north African yummies!  Check out her post on Fava beans and falafel.

The rules are:

1. Link to the person who tagged you.

2. Share 7 random and/or weird facts about you.

3. Tag 7 random people at the end, and include links to their blogs. 
  

7 Random Things About Me:

1. I sleep with a security blanket I’ve had since I was 3 months old.
2. I’m a shoe, purse, and umbrella junkie.  DH calls them tribbles since that is how they multiply. 
3. I met my husband in an online trivia chat room when we got into an argument over the answer to a Star Wars question.  We got married 7 months later.
4. I used to be a vegan but had to finally admit I love meat and dairy.  I try to make a positive environmental impact in other ways.  I usually feel guilty.
5. One of my hobbies is writing romance novels.  Not the high brow kind – the sappy, sexy kind.  Vampires/werewolves/aliens/Highlanders preferred.
6. I’m currently watching CSPAN, one of my secret pleasures.  Listening to Bon Jovi is another.
7. I love oreos and milk.  I’m a dunker.  However, I do not like cookie crumbs in my milk.  So, I’m an “oreo blower.”  Much to my husband’s amusement I blow all the excess dust off an oreo, dunk it, and then blow/shake off any additional crumbs before dunking again.

I tag:

I hereby tag all the ladies of the Nov/Dec Cyclesistas!  Take a moment this holiday season to NOT think about infertility!  Tell us about yourself!

Thanks everyone for your support and encouragement.  I was kind of wallowing in self-pity and worry for a while there but now I feel committed to make this work!

I was thinking how unfair it is that IF women have ANY pregnancy complications.  It makes me think of a blogger I used to know and follow named Beth.  She had struggled with IF and finally got pregnant with IVF.  I was so happy for her.  Then I read through the months as she struggled with Hyperemesis gravidarum.  This is morning sickness times 1,000.  Beth was hospitalized because she couldn’t eat or drink anything.  She had to IV nutrition for most of her pregnancy to make sure the baby was getting what it needed.  It was so awful to watch.  She also lost her job for missing work (!! she got lots of comments about fighting that so I’m not sure how it ended).  It was just a nightmare pregnancy and I remember feeling pissed off for her to have to go through that after IVF and all.

Next I thought about some great advice my mom gave me when my sister was in a car accident.  She had just finished her last final of her first semester back to school after a debilitating illness (psoriatic arthritis) and she got into a terrible car accident by an uninsured driver running a red light.  She was in ICU.  The picture of the car showed clumps of her hair hanging from the shattered windshield.  I felt, again, pissed off.  Hadn’t she been through enough?  I told my mom, “where the hell was God?”  She, in the infinite motherly wisdom said quietly, “he was there making sure she didn’t go through the windshield.”

Lastly I thought of my dad having a heart attack a few weeks after his 50th birthday on Thanksgiving (which, he will tell you…at length…happened after the turkey and before the pumpkin pie!).  It was just devastating to even hear or say “heart attack” in the same breath with “dad.”  It was a rough time for our family (stories for another time: what dad said when I got to the hospital, my sister and I fighting like 10 year olds, etc. – stress does things to you.)  Anyways, that was 9 years ago and in the interim my dad has become the hero of eating right, not smoking, and exercise.  He is healthier than any of us!  In hindsight, the heart attack was a blessing.  God gave him a nudge in the ribs that stopped him from having “a big one” a few years later.  

Ok, so where am I going with all this?  This is what I’ve learned,

1. The best thing about gestational diabetes for an IFer is the gestational part.  I’m pregnant.  How many IFers would pray for that much.
2. God is in everything.  He didn’t forget me and give me GD he remembered me and didn’t give me a worse diagnosis.
3. This is an important nudge for me.  I am high risk for type II diabetes.  Hopefully what I can learn from this will improve my health beyond my pregnancy.

My appt. is Friday to learn about the glucometer and get a customized diet.  It will feel good to have a plan.  In the meantime I have to survive Thanksgiving!